Tours of the Shady Underbelly

Well that went well didn't it. The suposed incredible revival of the once great blog, like a phoenix rising form the ashes, Harry Potter style, capitulated after two posts from one contributor. Well done The Moff.

Now a month has passed without anyone adding anything more to my hum drum life. How am to survive? Where has the laughter gone?

I have a theory. I think that The Moff (if that is your real name), spends his comic genius elsewhere these days. He has forgotten his roots, where it all started. What would you be without us, i ask? NOTHING. What have the owners of pubs and taverns around this great state ever done to deserve your comic genius? Again nothing. What has prompted this abandonment from your friends to their enemies?

The "almighty dollar". Dollar schmollar. Sure you can go to the nothern henisphere with it. Sure it may buy you happiness, but I ask you, what has it ever really done for you?

What an age of CHOICE we consumers live in!

Those of you who are currently residing in Australia will no doubt have seen Domino's latest "creation". But for those who read this from abroad, allow me to enlighten you as to the newest "pizza" to grace the Domino's TV advertising spot.

We all know the folks at Domino's have never shied away from redefining the boundaries of the pizza game. A few years ago we were struck upside the head with their rather adventurous varieties of crusts and the filling that lies between them, and since then we have been continually challenged with increasingly zany methods for cramming as much fat into a confined space as is humanly possible.

All well and good. However, I do believe it is safe to say that this time, Domino's have well and truly crossed the line.

Yes. Thats right. A niche in the market has now been occupied by the forward thinking executives employed by this pizza stalwart. The general public now has access to a MEAT PIE PIZZA, or as the ad displays, two crusts which house a sloppy mess of beef mince and peas, with "traditional" pizza toppings to cap it off.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Is it genuinely necessary to fuse Australian and Italian cuisine in such a brazen fashion? Or is this just another step closer to complete market saturation?

One thing is for sure, I shall not be saturating my insides with such a diabolical concoction.

However, I am certain that one Nicholas J.C. Worthley would give his left nut for a solitary bite of the Domino's Meat Pie Pizza given the current eating situation he has imposed upon himself while trekking through the nether regions of the planet. Whats for dinner tonight Nick? Rice rice served on a bed of rice with a side serving of steamed rice?

Thats right mate, you keep on walking. Not far now to base camp I hope? In the meantime I will order one of these pizzas, purely so that I may throw it in the bin as a protest against the sheer insanity that I have witnessed on the idiot box that blares at me incessantly while I relax in my living room.

Meatily yours,

- Moff

After months at sea, I spy land, and embrace it with open arms and flippered feet.

Yep, I've flipped up the page of the calendar on the kitchen wall 5 times since Dylan uploaded the most recent contribution to this exercise. It started off quietly, gained some brief momentum and held our interest long enough to articulate a few thoughts via fingers on a keyboard, and then, predictably, dropped off our collective radars.

Such fickle folk we be.

Speaking of dropping off radars... it awfully quiet here in Adelaide these days. I remember back in the day....The sending of a solitary text message on a mid week evening manifested into 8 cats streaming through the hastily raised garage door toward an eastern suburbs granny flat with a full-wall mural of a rainforest scene to...well...just to "hang out", i guess.

Ahh, those were the days. Being a member of our crew was effortless, in fact, you had to fight to avoid the action.

But time trudges forward. Before you know it you're 25, working full time, with more than half of your previously ever-present group of mates geographically dispersed outside of this town.

Such is life.

Its not all bad. Its a natural evolution. We spent the most time together when everyone was still "getting to where they were going". Now, most of us are "there", in terms of immediate plans outside of uni anyway. I've got plenty to smile about. A job I'd never even dreamed of having a chance of getting. One where I actually look forward to going to work. One with so many perks it could sink a ship with Rhys onboard, even when he is wearing his speed-shorts. All of this has brought a relative abundance of the almighty dollar to my life, and with it the ability to save up for something I have been dreaming about for as long as I can remember.

At 11:55AM on Tuesday June 12th, my girl and I shall board SQ268 and finally join this highly exclusive club of individuals who have been to this place called the "Northern Hemisphere".

I kind of feel like the last guy in a group of teenage guys to get laid. For years I have listened to the others describe the sordid details of their affairs, wondering what it will be like when I finally get to join the conversation with some knowledge of my own. Now, my folks have gone away for the weekend, I've got a franger in my wallet and a guaranteed root, so long as I don't do anything stupid before I'm confronted with my destiny.

Brilliant.

Expect some new episodes of Moff's Most Hated Celebrities in the near future. I have 6 months worth of pent up annoyance that needs to find a home.

Until then, try and avoid swooping magpies when walking under trees.

Trust me on this one.

- Moff