Thomas the Travelling Salesman

Thomas was a man, and oh, what a man he was. He was a giver, was John, and everywhere he went he left them begging for more. What was did he gift to people? He gave beautiful, unsurpassed, pure pleasure. Men wanted to be him, women wanted to be with him, oh if only for a single night. No women were immune from his power. Soon he was to pick up a reputation, and this only increased his power and mystique. People began to wonder why women kept coming back, and this only brought more. Women of all ages came to him, entranced by his power, unable to resist, ready for him to service their needs.

Soon he could no longer pleasure the masses of women all by himself. There were too many for just one man. Ans so the search began. The search for a worthy partner. The search for someone with whom he could share his knowledge and power. The search for an Apprentice.

As Thomas was a travelling salesman it was not hard for him to search far and wide for an apprentice. The man chosen must be something special. He would not settle for average or even good, or his reputation and whole career could be sullied forever. Over a long period of time, he slowly came to realise that this man was right beneath his nose. He had never thought to test this man. Once he did he soon realised that the force was strong within him. Under his tutelage he was sure to be a grandmaster pleasurer within years. And so began the lessons.

To be Continued when the lessons have been completed....

Whatever Happened To....

Billy Ray Cyrus

What a phenomenon we all could have done without. I mean really. Achy Breaky Heart? What the hell was he thinking. After bursting onto our shores in a jumbling mess of square dancing, mullets and terrible accents in 1992, what has become of him? Surely he deserves more hits after spending 7 weeks at No. 1 and an incredible 26 weeks in the top 50, surely he couldn’t have faded off the stage like Joan Osbourne or Kriss Kross? He deserves more than that, if only for bringing back the mullet to Australia 10 years before it actually became popular again. And he wasn’t even Italian.

Well in fact Billy Ray hasn’t left us. He is in fact back, bigger, and better than ever starring in a television series Doc, and helping his young daughter kick start her career in another series, Hannah Montana. So those of you who loved the song (God kill you all) don’t despair, he can still be found (minus the Mullé) on Fox 8 Tuesdays at 10.