Nirvana - The Stoned Interview

I often think of how unbearably mundane it must be for celebs to have to endure endless interviews. Imagine being asked the exact same questions over and over again and trying to keep the answers sounding fresh and passionate. From the looks of this video, Nirvana gave up trying to achieve this pretty early in the piece. I heard an interview with them from ages ago on JJJ and suffice to say they were an interviewers nightmare. Such a refreshing change to see this clip in the midst of so many arrogant cliche'd emo fuckwit bands these days. Nirvana were so fucking cool because they didnt try to be. Let that be a lesson to all of the black hair dyin' tight black jeans sportin' "AFI" hoodie wearin' cliched lip piercin' insecure teenage sheep that are multiplying like carbon copies of eachother throughout our town and anywhere else under the firm grip of the "scene". Hey kids! How's this for irony? Being punk is about doing everything possible so as to NOT fit in - what does that make you then? I remember well my days of working in Rundle Mall and bearing witness to the black mass that is the emo teenage congregation. Human cloning is alive and well people. Lock up your daughters. Still fighting the good fight, Moff

...but first, a word from the late prophet....

Bill hicks, thank you, for reminding us, and Jip, not to take life too seriously...

"The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, 'Hey – don't worry, don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride ...' And we ... kill those people. Ha ha, 'Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because – it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead, spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace. Thank you very much, you've been great." [several gunshots ring out, Bill mimes being hit and falls to floor, motionless.] (Onstage closing comments of Hicks's Revelations special from 1993)

Lying, Invading, Re-electing Bush- America, we love you!

Yesterday's heros- Just a teardrop on the eternal fire...

Possibly one of the most instantly recognisable photos for our generation. On the day of June 11, 1963, one Thich Quang Duc stopped at a busy intersection in saignon and proceeded to pour gasoline on himself before setting fire to himself in an act of self-immolation.

David Halberstam, of the New York Times witnessed the event and later wrote:

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"Behind me I could hear the sobbing of the Vietnamese who were now gathering. I was too shocked to cry, too confused to take notes or ask questions, too bewildered to even think.... As he burned he never moved a muscle, never uttered a sound, his outward composure in sharp contrast to the wailing people around him."

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Thich Quang Duc was protesting against the Buddhist treatment under the South Vietnam government. In a world of fake-plastic celebrities with fake plastic politics, Thich Quang Duc is a timely and confronting reminder that we, as individuals, as human beings, have the ability to shape and to mould and to create our own destinies.

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Thank you 'Today Tonight', 'A Current Affairs', MTV and other such propaganda machines for diluting the individual passion and thought processes of people.. There's nothing proper about your propaganda. (thankyou RATM)

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Much love to those who still demontrate individual will and independant thought, which sadly, these days, appears only to be a teardrop on an otherwise eternal fire.....

And the weeks fly by...

I cannot believe it is almost the end of another working week. I swear, working full time, the weeks just absolutely crank along. I don't know whether this is a good thing. Yes the weekend comes quicker, but the weekends are all over before you know it, paving the way for another working week...

Uh oh...

Looks like Moff is a bonafide member of the rat race now.

But having money does rule. I dare say I'd take having money over the alternative. I like to be able to purchase goods and services.

It's midnight and I am enebriated. Friday beckons. The collection of the Lion Nathan staff beer allowance is near. This week I have decided to sample one of our "imported" brews, the Japanese "Kirin Ichiban". My guess is that "Ichiban" means "beer" in Japanese talk. Whatever it is, it is free, and I will soon be drinking it.

I am now listening to "Breakfast Club" by fine Aussie hip hop heads "The Herd". So much of this track sums up parts of my life at one point or another. I recommend you track this track down and have a listen.

Time to retire for the night,

Moff

I only have one thing to say today:

Let me just say I dread the day that I am of the age where all those I know start dropping off the perch and I have to attend funerals regularly. A celebration of life, yes...but an emotionally draining event.

May the next one take place in the very distant future.

Moff

Is faith a cop out?

For years now i have been told that to believe in something for which there is no proof, and in some cases convincing counter proofs, takes courage. To have faith without question, to blindly follow, and to belive no matter what, is hard, and that is what the very essence of relegion is all about. There is no doubt that such massive devotion has produced some of the most beautiful artworks and amazing architecture in the world. It has also resulted in ( and continues to result in) some of the bloodiest wars in our history. But I am getting off topic. I just want to know when following along like a sheep, to do what everybody else does, and what you are told and expected to do, became corageous? When did following orders and thinking no independant thought become hard? To me this is an almighty cop out. Sure when christians were feed to the lions, it might have been hard to have faith in that particular religion, it may have even taken courage. But surely throughout history, relegion is a means of inventing explanations for things we don't understand. A cop out. Instead of admitting we don't know, or accepting that bad and good things sometimes happen, we invent an explanation that absolves all need for further investigation or thought. Its so easy to blindly blame god, to believe that you deserve it good or bad. But what about independant thought, about investigation into causal connections. I mean, if you want to believe in Religion or a god, go ahead, but for god's sake (excuse the pun) at least question some things for yourself, have some independant thought, come up with your own ideas, don't blindly follow. That takes real courage. And then if you still decide to have faith in whatever you choose to belive, at least you know there is other explanations and theories out there, and you can have real faith.

The Very Reverend Kerleng D Jacknife
Synod of Brugge, Belgium

Well whop de bloody doo

Well how about that, certain contemopories of mine have finally seen fit to join the world of unorganised, unedited, and unchecked ravings. Well fuck me i might finally get less stupid time consuming emails (with no one in particular in mind). I thought i would also join this everwidening craze late and also answer to the bullshit about darwin. In order for the theory of evolution to work, the process occasionally (and often frigthnely) comes up with genetic variations that are especially unfovaorable and do not work, the theory is that these genetic mutations do not survive many generations, they die out. Now in the case of Ben Lee, i can't answer cause i am sure to get to his state you would need many generations of mutations, but it is perhaps like the human race with old people, we feed and nourish something that should die, helping it to live, and deny the work of natural selection and evolution. Thanks SAFM, Thanks

Fart on TV

We're all only human, even TV news presenters...this is proof!

[Insert Activity Here] with Celebrities

Okay, so dancing with the stars hit our TV screens last year.

A novel idea, albeit absolutely horrific, but one your faithful author hoped would fade away in the tradition of such other half-baked entertainment propositions as the Australian version of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.

But no. On the contrary, not only did this ridiculous gimmick catch on, it spawned a new generation of television, and galvanises my beliefs that when it all boils down, the general public are a bunch of narrow minded celebrity hungry starstruck leeches.

The multitude of such programs which have come to life in recent times serve nothing more than to bastardise the art forms that they hijack, be it dancing, singing, skating, or so help me god whatever comes next.

Surely, looking at the situation objectively, an individual who is capable of dressing themselves should be more enthralled by seeing a show in which professionals face off against other professionals in the activity at hand, presenting us with a true display of the human races ability to master an art form?

But the sick reality is we are a society largely comprised of those who harbour an unhealthy fascination with the concept of being "famous". At the end of the day, aren't these "celebrities" just humans who's line of work happens to be one that attracts public noteriety? And are the viewers of the shows in question really so interested in seeing their beloved celebs succeed, or deviously drawn to watch the shows in the hope that they will see people who society has placed on a such a high pedestal, fall flat on their arses?

After all, tabloid magazines are as popular as ever, and my money says that people who buy your New Idea and your Women's Day don't buy them for the feel good stories, rather snap them up to see pictures of supermodels with cellulite and bad acne, or anything else which might bring these "stars" down to their own mere human level.

Here's wishing a disaster of biblical proportions upon the afforementioned programs and all those involved,

Moff

PS: Special mention must go to Daryl Somers, who after being unfortunate enough to witness in action as the host of Dancing With The Stars, I can say has WELL AND TRULY overstayed his television welcome.

Moff's Most Detested Celebrities Pt. II

In the name of all things sacred, please, PLEASE make it stop.

al-Quaeda, where the hell are you on this one? Surely a sleeper cell somewhere near Dreamworld has the resources to carry out some kind of car bomb attack as this feminist self righteous bitch is arriving for a Sunday night eviction show. I'm sure that any innocent bystanders killed in the attack would have been happy to become martyrs for such a worthy and gravely necessary cause.

Whichever failed fashion co-ordinator chooses Mrs. Killeen's outfits should too meet the same fate, and if she chooses them herself, this should spur our terrorist friends into action all the more quickly.

Gretel Killen - I hate you.

Moff

Finally someone's talking a little sense....

Jesus H. Christ, God almighty, Gabriel- the high commander,

what in the world has this world come to? In all this madness, i bring thee salvation in the form of one sound cat, Sir David Attenborough. Now the point of this piece is to demostrate just how wrong Darwin was about his natural selection.

What would drive me to write about such things?

A) the media
and
B) my line of work

Now our old friend Mr. Darwin proposed that "Natural selection is the process by which individual organisms with favorable traits are more likely to survive and reproduce."(Thankyou wikipedia)

However, Sir Atti (as i know him) provides me with a quote that i believe counters one Charles Darwin and his theory that 'favourable traits will continue through' while at the same time, turning a few religious noses...

"My response is that when Creationists talk about God creating every individual species as a separate act, they always instance hummingbirds, or orchids, sunflowers and beautiful things. But I tend to think instead of a parasitic worm that is boring through the eye of a boy sitting on the bank of a river in West Africa, [a worm] that's going to make him blind. And [I ask them], 'Are you telling me that the God you believe in, who you also say is an all-merciful God, who cares for each one of us individually, are you saying that God created this worm that can live in no other way than in an innocent child's eyeball? Because that doesn't seem to me to coincide with a God who's full of mercy."(cheers wikipedia)

If ever we needed proof that there is no god(or that he is taking a weed nap) and that Charles Darwin was wrong, then i offer exhibit B and C ....

(Ben Lee and a "fan")

My argument is that if natural selection was correct, then how in the hell did Ben Lee slip through the netting and secondly, who the hell let him produce MULTIPLE albums..

"My head is a box full of nothing and that's the way I like it" Good lord- please people, please don't catch his disease and if its too late for you.. maybe its not such a bad thing that you have the disease, i hope its a painful event...

But what worries me even more, and proves my theory right even more is the guy on the right. I looked for signs of a struggle, a hostage like situation, maybe the taliban hiding behind the scenes, but it actually appears that he is touching Ben Lee in an affectionate way and what's more, it appears to be voluntarily.

If god really was all merciful, and Charles Darwin was right, then surely today we would live in a world void of parasitic worms, Ben Lee and "fans" of Ben lee...

Until that day comes, im keeping my distance from the church and SAFM, who despite Ben Lee's profound declaration of "they don't play me on the radio, and that's the way i like it", actually do play him on the radio...

The Dark Side of Being a Sales Rep

Turns out being a sales rep isn't all about cruising around all day and drinking free beer. There is a seedy underbelly of the job: the glueing together of empty cartons for use in bottle shop displays. Monotonous, yes...but it beats the hell out of flogging mobile phones to braindead imbeciles.

Moff's Most Detested Celebrities Pt. I

George bloody Donikian.

You evil, persistant, annoying man.

I cannot believe that you are legally allowed to pollute the Adelaide airwaves between 5 and 6pm every weeknight. There is something in the painfully formulated way that your voice rises up half way through announcing each story that makes me want to hunt you down and put an end to this garbage once and for all.

Let's not forget your complete and utter lack of ability to successfully execute the mandatory banter with your co host at certain points of the bulletin. All that we are left with is excruciatingly awkward small talk that would make a 14 year old teenager on his first date look like the most accomplished of public speakers.

I'm aware that I'm flying in the face of my staunch belief that we all have a choice of what to watch and can easily turn something off if we hate watching it. However in this case I can safely say that I now find myself sickeningly drawn to him when I hear him from another room. Sometimes I feel compelled to stare at him read the news and let the animosity within reach boiling point.

Look what you've done to me Donikian. Every time I think of you I die inside.

The Best Album of All Time

I seriously cannot ever see myself losing even the slightest bit of love and admiration for this album. "OK Computer" is one of lifes true examples of everything just falling into place. This is a stark reminder that there IS such a thing as perfection, no matter how subjective the term may be. All who choose to listen to and embrace these melodies will agree.

It's a great feeling when we give a significant part of ourselves to a labour of love to find that at the end we have gained what we sought to from the experience. I've been lucky enough to feel this on a relatively grand scale more than once. My downfall is I can rarely muster up 100% of my efforts unless the task at hand inspires me. The high school teachers all called me a "coaster", cruising through the required work by completing what needed to be done and rarely going the extra mile. This has never really worried me. So far, coasting along has landed me in a pretty content place. I've taught myself an invaluable skill which is quoted in the brilliant movie Fight Club: "The ability to let that which does not matter, truly slide."

Tangents are wonderful things. Brought on by relating the current subject matter to something else that pops up in your head and excites you. The beauty of freely writing is that you can freeze in time the tangents that your mind follows when it is allowed a bit of play time. It makes for some pretty interesting retrospective reading.

And for the purposes of retrospect, the things that are providing a backdrop to my days and nights at this point in time include:

Muse - Black Holes & Revelations
I had my worries after hearing the first single, as I'm sure many other people did. But the fact of the matter is that this is Muse's most self assured, confident, bold offering yet.

Letting off steam with my like-minded peers
As we grow older and follow our different paths, nights like last night are even more sacred. What better way to unwind than to indulge in acts of extreme stupidity with those who relish in the chance to witness them.

No longer working in retail and having to translate broken Engrish.

Life - A Series of Inter-Connected Events.

If there's one thing that's as sure as death and taxes, its that nothing lasts forever, andconfronting and embracing change are skills that need to be nurtured well.

When a door is slammed shut, a window is flung open. No matter how tragic or stressful certain changes in life can be, there is always something amazing waiting just around the corner...waiting patiently to jump out and surprise you when you least expect it.

And so goes the circle of existence. The people in your life who you are closest to will ultimately be pushed or pulled out of your reach. The activities that fulfil you or entertain you will one day fade into the distant background in favour of new fascinations. But for every change that we successfully negotiate, we become that little bit surer of ourselves, that little bit less worried about arriving at our destination.

I've realised that I don't need to rush to get where I'm destined to be in life. Because the truth is that I'm already there, and always have been. These tiny and seemingly insignificant events that play themselves out while we are searching for something bigger are the events that make up life itself. And until your number is up, life is never static.