Over-rated and Under-rated

Over-rated

• Sleep - who needs it? It’s for losers. In the words of the immortal one (Bon Jovi for those uninitiated in my parlance) ‘I’m going to live while I’m alive and sleep when I’m dead’. Then again I doubt he envisioned the living bit being stuck in an office for 10 hours a day.
• Alcohol - despite its obvious advantages and funness, much over-rated. Perhaps I’m just bitter because I won’t be able to drink again for a while. No, that can’t be it, can it? Or maybe its drunk mans comedown from the weekend, whatever - OVER RATED
• Football - I don’t care about, never have - don’t even know who won on the weekend - SHIT
• Ricardo - enough said

Under-rated

• KFC - I am fully aware of some peoples feeling about this giant of the food industry, and also of its fickle nature, but I like to judge a fast food place by my last visit. And last night it really hit the spot. Large Extreme Zinger Burger Meal thank you. KFC thank you
• Alcohol - God you make me feel good
• Penfolds Wood Aged Port - I think just because it comes in a cardboard carton and costs $5 per litre it doesn’t get the credit it deserves. A surprisingly complex flavour and a great nightcap for all occasions.
• Me - I know it's pretty much self explanatory, but I am under appreciated and under rated by most people. I am funny, kind, entertaining and brilliant to top it all off. How can you beat that? Answer - you can’t.

ZING!!!!!

I humbly regret to inform my millions of fans that i have been colonel zingered by Funkmaster D.

I start my new job at KFC monday.

We will meet again funkmaster- you're just lucky i can't be arsed disecting your bucket of deliciously fabricated bollocks, coated in 11 secret herbs and spices.

Wrong Again Ricardo

I’m sorry Ricardo but you’ve got it wrong this time. I understand your rage at my golf swing, especially after its managed to beat you around a golf course. Hell when I look at video of it I am in awe that I manage to even hit the ball, let alone get it to move in the approximate direction I want it to. But, after all, I am a freak of nature. I understand your rage at old women wasting away what little life they have in a Casino, and how that comment would make you almost as mad as Pauline Hanson telling the government to just ‘print more money’. I understand your rage at young pop and movie princesses and their bullshit about how life is hard and how they shouldn’t go to jail because they are famous. What I don’t understand is why you chose to take out all this rage on one of the more centred and sensible ones of the group.

Despite what you may think of her music, Avril Lavigne does not belong to that group of pop and movie tarts that include Lindsay Lohen, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. First, she’s Canadian, which makes her 3000% better than those American Idiots before the game has even begun. Second, most (not all I agree, Girlfriend being the obvious) of her songs have some sort of message, she can actually sing, and yes, she writes her own songs. I don’t care what you say, that does mean something.

A lot of her songs (again besides Girlfriend) have good messages for the very young people you say look up to her. You’re not alone for instance, tells of how no matter how bad you feel, there are people who love you. Not every artist and every song has to be about major political issues Dylan. Sometimes it’s important to look micro as well as macro, and believe it or not most boys and girls at 16 don’t give a shit about Africa. I reckon even you would’ve been more concerned about your golf handicap than starving kids in Africa in 1997.

Your top 3 of supposed ridiculously stupid things to say wasn’t that bad. I mean, sure she could’ve phrased them better, and tried not to use examples which obviously apply only to here world of pop and entertainment, but what she was actually trying to say had merit. The world would be a much better place if more people that our kids looked up to espoused these values. What’s wrong with being thankful? I mean she was talking to a teen American magazine, its fair to assume that ALL of her audience would have clean water. Lots of young people do suffer from self esteem issues, so its an important issue. And what she says is exactly right. Have the confidence to know if someone doesn’t like you, its tham that is missing out, not you. And extending yourself, and believing in yourself is important. Stretch yourself further than your comfort zone, and be surprised by the results. I fail to see what is ridiculous or ‘too far’ about this.

You know just because someone is young, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t listen to them. In fact in a lot of cases we should. They after all are the people that are going to have to put up with the consequences of what happens now. Bob Dylan wrote ‘Blowin in the Wind’ when he was 21. Should we ignore that? People enjoy her music. She has something to say more than whether or not you should sleep with the boy who likes you. Somehow I think that’s what Bill Hicks was talking about. Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears circa. 1999. Not Avril Lavigne.

Finally Ricardo/Dylan/Bitter & Twisted Individual, people listen to Avril because she has something to say, she’s hot, she can sing, and she had the good fortune for someone to notice that. You can’t sing and though you have something to say, if I had to choose between Avril and you to sleep with, I would probably choose Avril. Just. You will be successful, and less bitter, when you realise not everyone gets to shout their views on the world stage, and if you want to, you should try to make it happen, not sit in your own little corner of the world and begrudge those that have. Or at least pick on someone that really is an idiot. I suggest Paris.

Look who is turning in his grave.....

Well, where do i start with this?

Rarely, certianly not never, but rarely have i been so dumbfounded by something so extrordinary. In this case it is not september 11, it's not making out with a woman at the bar in Portugal only to walk home with your knob in your hand and it's certainly not watching Funkmaster's golf swing and wondering how in the hell he has ever broken 100.

No. it's none of these that have gotten me this time. Hell it's not even George W. Bush addressing the APEC meeting as OPEC-with a hearty "G'day Mate". Nope. It's not an elderly lady at a certain casino telling me that she doesn't understand how people are poor when there are casino's. Why don't they just go into a casino and win some money. Nope, none of these are guilty this time, although Funkmaster's swing and the casino woman come close, however, in this case, it's one Avril Lavigne.

I'm sorry funk 'sk8er boi' master- It's gone too far.

I understand she is young and 22, but, and this is a very big but, young people, and funkmaster, are influenced by her, her songs and what she says. Oh lord. I dare say and correct me if i'm wrong, but i dare say that that tie in the photo is not a secondary school tie... Where was her agent on this one?

I give you... 'Avril's ten commandments"

I could sit here and rack off all ten for you, but i thought i would go with some of my personal favourites. A top 3 maybe? Why not, it will be like Letterman, but 3 instead of 10, oh, and funny.

SO here they are, in no particular order.

1. "EXTEND YOURSELF. I want to get into movies next, a lead role in a super cool indie flick. I've been looking at scripts for the past two years now and most of them have been shit, but I know I could be real good at it. I have an agent now, and everything."

2."LOVE YOURSELF. People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway, if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me."

I can see Funkmaster writing down these in note form already, but my absolute favourite one is the next one;

3."BE GRATEFUL. It's important to be thankful, even if you're poor. I mean, come on, we all have clean water — well, ok, not people in the developing world. It's important to remember where we came from and just how lucky we are to be here."

I mean, come on RE, we ALL have clean water...

Oh no, wait, to her credit, she did correct herself.

The rest of these pearls of wisdom can be found at the following link, for a short time only http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=294155

Somehow i get the feeling that this is the sort of performer that Bill Hick's was talking about when he ranted about Debbie Gibson- For those of you who missed it, here it is, courtesy of Wikiquote:

"You know Debbie Gibson writes all her own songs?" No! Fucking just pull me up a chair. "Yeah, she writes all her own songs about her own real life experiences. "Yeah, what's the next one called? Mom why am I bleeding? When did we start listening to pre-pubescent white girls? I musta missed that meeting. We have at our fingertips the greatest minds of all-time, the knowledge and history of the greatest thinkers of ALL FUCKING TIME, but no, what's that little white girl saying? Let's go put Debbie Gibsons thoughts on compact disc so they'll never be destroyed. "

"Is it me? I mean, goddamn it, I remember when music had balls man. Does anybody remember that at all? Jimi Hendrix? Any question about that guy?"

What I, your humble Ricardo Del Sanjay want to know is, when will I be successful in my life?At what point can i sit back and say, wow, I did it? What do I have to do, besides sell 24 million records, like Avril, before my most juvenile, non academic rants are considered newsworthy-AROUND THE FUCKING WORLD? I dare say this blog caper is not going to get me too far.

Maybe Avril was right, maybe being succesful means that I can say to people "I have an agent now......... and everything"

Where has the magic gone?

There was a time, not so long ago, when I looked forward to getting up every morning, when everyday had its own special ‘je ne sais quoi’ and the ‘joie de vivre’ was apparent with every thought (yes Dylan, I did french too). How times have changed.

Today I was like any other week day of the past nine months, my un-consciousness was rudely turned into consciousness by a blaring radio personality that I don’t really like, and my first though for the day was ‘Oh sweet jesus, here we go again’. Surely this can’t be healthy.

My naturopath said to me the other day that my body was saying that I am angry about something. I couldn’t think of anything at the time, besides a possible feeling of resentment for the lowering of standards at KFC. But as I thought about it I realized I am angry. In fact I would go as far as to say I am fuming. More than a cupboard in Mr Nicholl’s Yr 9 science class.

Why all this pent up anger you ask? No it’s not because I like to mimic Seano, though that would be a perfectly reasonable excuse. It’s because I have to be up every morning at 7:30 to go somewhere I don’t enjoy being, to spend at least 8 hours a day with people I don’t particularly enjoy the company of. Not to say they’re ALL wankers, but there are certainly people in this wide brown land I would rather be spending my time with.

And I think that’s the point. Why do we end up spending the majority of our available time with people we hardly know, often doing something we don’t enjoy, just so we can get the latest plasma TV? (Though god it looks good with a PS3 attached - bring on GTAIV). I’m not advocating a nomadic existence where everyone merely does enough to live. But I want to start a business that combines both. I want to make tremendous amounts of money, working with friends, doing something I enjoy. So I open it up to you all, any ideas? And I’ve already thought of professional sportsman, with entourage. Unfortunately you need to have talent and coordination. I have neither.

Random thoughts from the mind of a bed ridden flu victim

Well, this post cannot possibly attain the sheer level of quality that this blog has seen of late. Nor is it intended to. The reality is, I am bordering on delirium as I lie here in my own filth and illness, and after 2 days of doing this I am beginning to understand what the honorable Funkmaster D must go through every night he hits the hay in his private stable in the attic of wonders.

This photo is absolutely classic. Everything about it just screams brilliance. I dont think Ricardo's face could be any more perfect: a mixture of awe, shock, and sheer jealousy over one half of RE's set of "perpetually erects".

Someone made a drunken comment on Saturday night which outlines why we should all bow down to RE and his disturbingly stiff physical attributes:

"Rhys could fuck three chicks at once".

And I for one would pay good money to see that.

-Moff

"When not being able to play golf is a good thing"

Never

I offer you exhibit A, B and C.

Not satisfied with my comments in regard to Funkmasters post "when not being able to play golf is a good thing," i thought i might point out a few more things..

Note the cracking arse on the golfer, the sweet fresh air, the wonderful blue skies. The enchanting mountains.

Note the receding hairline on worker A and the grey hair on worker B.

Tiger Woods (a famous professional golfer) is neither receding nor grey haired.

Your honour, I rest my case. (you rest your case?) ( i mean, case closed)

Funkmaster, I would rather lose to anyone, with the possible exception of everyone, than spend a whole day in the office while your lovable mates play golf(and drink Pale and taste port).

Well, we can't blame you for trying, can we?

When not being able to play golf is a good thing

Sure it’s a beautiful day. A perfect day to be in the sun doing some physical activity. Nothing too strenuous mind, just something. Sure a couple of beers and a round of golf would be fun. Sure the opportunity to beat Nick (again) would be good. And I’m damn sure the opportunity to beat Dyl’s (again) would be excellent. There is just one problem (besides the fact I’m at work and I can’t play anyway - bastards). I could lose to Rhys. And that’s just not worth it.

But I can't help the feeling ....I could blow through the ceiling

I have heard bits and pieces of information from *reliable sources* and gossip mongers for some time now.. but finally i have accepted that it is true.

This blog, im sorry to say, is not a whip down to anyone. It's not a dull, uninspiring look at political..well whatever those 2 blogs were.. It is not filled with sharp, cutting edge humour, as you have all come to expect from me. It is merely a statement, nay, a homage to a source of creativity that we, collectively, in varying degrees, have loved and cherished for some time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, i give you my candidate for the most eagerly anticipated moment since waiting for funkmaster to blog again after *that* infamous blog...

Radiohead's SEVENTH album.

Yorke described the lyrical concept of the album as, "It's about that anonymous fear thing, sitting in traffic, thinking, 'I'm sure I'm supposed to be doing something else'... it's similar to OK Computer in a way.

Oh god, i think i'm going to explode with delight. IS it early 2008 yet?

I love that line- it reminds me of my life at University- "I'm sure i'm meant to be doing something else"

This song... we dedicate.. with love.. to R.E.M.... Who are sittin over there...

And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor...

J Ho, What Are You Smoking?

Yesterday, in my letterbox, a little package was delivered, direct from the desk of Prime Minister John Howard entitled, “Talking with kids about drugs”. I’ve seen the adds, and secretly I hoped that one day soon I might get the opportunity to glimpse into the government’s new proactive approach to curbing the drug epidemic within our society.

Most of you would no doubt join with me in greeting such a move by the government with no small measure of scepticism. But I must confess that the brochure is more competently assembled that I had expected.

Nonetheless I thought I would still point out a few foibles.

“In 2004 10 percent of sentenced prisoners were imprisoned for drug related offences”. Therefore 90 percent of the bane of society rests on other causes. Where’s the brochure entitled, “Talking with kids about not becoming a child-molesting psychopath”?

“Will your children listen to you?” This supposition was answered with a resounding “yes”, on the proviso that parents be informed, up-front and honest. If my mum refers to my first blow job as “heavy petting”, what the hell is she going to refer to my first snow cone as?

And, how many parents, being honest, would know the first thing to say? But in defence, it’s probably enough for parents like most of ours to just get the message across that they don’t want us doing it.

Potential Problems of Ecstasy: Thermal meltdown?! What The Fuck?!?! Don’t they make kids these days with automatic thermal overload relief mechanisms?

These are just a couple which jumped out at me during a quick peruse. There is some well researched information in the booklet, so I can see some benefit.

But lets open the floor to comment. Any obscure items jump out at you?

Another "Fresh" Serve?

Now they’re really gonna cop it. The line has been crossed. The foot is coming down, Marge, its coming down. The foot has spoken.

Enough is enough.

How far can we really let companies subvert the truth in order to hark their wares? My previous comments directed at Subway’s projection of a public image of being healthier than any other fast food options is one thing, but now they’re just taking it to another level entirely.

I’m talking specifically about the “fresh fit” meal options just released by Subway. To put it bluntly this misnomer should not be tolerated, purely and simply because there is absolutely no correlation whatsoever between food and fitness.

Now I realise it also a delicious pun (as is that, Tim), in the use of the word “fit” to imply that the meal is well suited to the customer. But the use of the word “fit”, in my opinion, should not be allowed under any circumstances, to be used in conjunction with the promotion of food. Especially fast food, which, as I have already argued, is portrayed in a manner which borders on downright deception.

Now, you may be right that this is just splitting hairs. And part of me wonders why I even bother to jot these thoughts down. But at the end of the day, there must be a line drawn somewhere. And it’s not much good to look back and draw it retrospectively, firstly because there’s no guarantee that once its entered common parlance it won’t just come to be accepted, and secondly because who knows how long it will take or how much effect this deceitful corporate behaviour will have before it is corrected.

So why now, Rhys, why should the line be drawn here?

Sure, anyone with half a brain knows that the only way to be fit is to be active, but I just get the feeling that sometimes, for some things, if you keep saying it long enough, eventually people (and I’m mainly talking about those lucky few who revel in living well below the status quo) will just accept the link between two previously unrelated things.

Point in fact: Saddam Hussein and Al Quaeda.

So, at the end of the day, I’m just doing my bit for the stupid fat cunts.

Is wearing your Sunglasses at night really THAT bad?

As my mentor Corey Hart is so fond of saying “I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can, forget my name while you collect your claim, And I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can, See the light that’s right before my eyes”. Cue drum machine. Now I know my fashion sense can at times be a little skewed towards the eighties, and can even be wayward (double denim anyone), but I didn’t think there was anything that wrong with wearing a nice pair of shades of the evening time. Apparently I was wrong.

Friday night I was busily drinking at a bar with friends, (what few I have left after the debacle of this blog) minding my own business with an exceptionally fashionable pair of sunnies on, when I noticed a group of people across the bar laughing at me. Now I admit, this could be for any number of reasons, the least of which might be the ocular accessories adorning my slightly-elephantine ears and obscuring the windows to my soul.

All that was quickly put beyond doubt, however, when a rather frumpy young lady, who until recently had been enjoying the company of the mob of wankers who were laughing at me, came over to my place at the bar, and accused me of being a porn star. This doesn’t sound too bad; in fact if it wasn’t for the way it was said, I would’ve rather enjoyed the accusation. As it was I confirmed her suspicions, and said I was from New York, and was currently filming my third foray into the world of porn. This is where I found out she was actually deriding me for the whole sunglasses thing.

I mean, first Keatsy made me put them on, second it was quite bright in the bar, and third, surely I have the right to enjoy my own sense of fashion, without being laughed at, and more importantly, accused of being a wanker by a group that frankly were none too fashionable themselves. I mean it’s doubtful that upturned collars were ever in, but even if they were, they certainly aren’t now. And redheads that look they’re on steroids are never anybody’s favourite. At least I have the benefit of being so far behind the times I don’t even look like I am trying to follow the fashion of the time.

So my question to everyone is this; ‘Is wearing your sunglasses at night really that bad?’ I mean, I can almost understand the girl at Red Square who had a shit at me for wearing a lime green safari suit and dancing better than her. I can even understand the tough guys who thought it was funny to accuse me of being gay when I was wearing a white suit, with a pink shirt, and looked better than they ever would. But I thought I was at least capable, of if not being a tiny little bit fashion conscious, at least aware of the fact if I was being just completely wrong. Apparently not.

The final word on Funkmaster D's controversial US acronym blog

Now that we have that sorted, lets all get on with our lives.

The Irony of Eating "Fresh"

Subway hit the fast food market in a big way. For a seemingly already saturated market it broke new ground and forged a link between fast food and the humble sandwich, literally reforming the market – and the battleground – in its wake.

It occurred at a time when awareness of the issues surrounding diet and obesity reached new heights and perfectly catered to those concerns. From this platform, subway was perfectly poised to take on the big guys. And take on it did.

What really annoys me is how their wonderful mantra, “Eat Fresh”, can be used so effectively (and savagely) against the likes of Maccas and Hungry Jacks, when in many ways their fare is no more fresh or healthy than that of the burger barons.

How I pity the fools paying up to ten dollars (for a sandwich, mind you!) believing that, like Jared, they might loose a squillion kilos.

In conjuction with their extensive selection of subs at under 6 grams of fat, the ad campaign leaves many people thinking that they are eating much more healthily than they really are.

First of all, how many obese people can really be satisfied after a six inch sub? Not many. Especially when you consider how prone they are to skimping on the salad fillings. Sometimes I am forced to instruct my “sandwich artist” two or three times to bump up my ration of lettuce, so they understand that I came to get my sandwich the way I like it.

Then when it comes to tomato and other fillings, the message has gotten across that double actually means double.

But I digress. Just assuming that you get the perfect amount of each salad component to your sub, there are a myriad of hidden fats and calories in these subs which are ignored. I would bet a good deal that the majority of sub-goers are getting a much less healthy meal than they believe.

Take the standard chicken fillet which is so popular. For at footlong its 29.6 grams of fat and 786 calories. The healthy option, the oven roasted one (that looks like a petrified dog turd) has 11 grams and 630 calories.

But there’s much more to it than that. Then comes the bread. Yes, even the humble old bread has been turned into a barren wasteland of fats, oils and cheap flavouring. Another 10 grams of fat and 500 calories for Italian Herbs and cheese.

Then chose your sauce. And this is where it is really frustrating, because of the range of sauces on offer, very few have nutritional information available. And I’m sure the average amount people receive on their subs is more than the “standard” 21mL serve. But I like Southwest, so add another 83 calories and 8.1 grams of fat.

So, the total serve (before adding soft drinks and cookies) is (at the very minimum) 47.7 grams of fat and 1369 calories.

What about 2 McChicken burgers in stead? At 360 calories and 16 grams of fat each that makes 32 grams of fat and 720 calories.

The standard consumption for 1 day for a healthy adult male is about 2500-3000 calories and 70-80 grams of fat. So our “healthy” sub has consumed over half our daily intake of fat and calories.

So would you still prefer a sub? The salad is fresher? Go knows how much sulphur and other preservatives and anti-oxidants are added to that lettuce, but it still goes just as brown as the McChicken lettuce. The pre-cut stuff in big bags straight from the central franchise warehouse. Yummy.

So you'll excuse me if I stay with my McChickens.

Well, that’s about enough of this rant.

What do you think?

Dear oh dear, what ever happened to the lack of substance in this blog?

Your faithful author is concerned. Maybe even a tad worried. Seems a new generation of intellectual cats with their political opinions and knowledge of topics outside of fast food and commercial television have gained ambient share of the site.

I blame myself. The leadership model that I have chosen to adopt in governing the use and content of the blog has been my downfall. Instead of ruling with an iron fist and laying down strict rules and guidelines in order to maintain the light hearted, jovial, Seinfeld-esque vibe that this blog was always intended to have, I have delved into the dangerous waters of allowing “free speech”.

In the words of the great Kent Brockman: “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again people….democracy just doesn’t work.”

Be careful, gentlemen. While your political rants are very eloquently written, well informed, and make some fine points, I cannot help but sense a tangible departure from the atmosphere that made this blog so enjoyable and unique in the first place.

Having said that, as the grandfather of the blog, I have made it my policy not to delete or alter any posts that any contributor chooses to make. I merely wanted to outline my thoughts on its current state.

Post on, people, but don’t forget the foundations this thing was built upon.

- Moff

The CANSPAM Act and other American ridiculousness

I don’t know if any of you know about, or are filled with as much unprecedented rage about, the current habit of American (and I regret to say other) lawmakers spending valuable time and money on making up disgustingly patronising and cutesy acronyms to describe they’re legislation.

It all seemed to start with the USA PATRIOT Act which some of you may not know actually stands for the Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act. This impossibly named act was actually rather clever as it made anybody disagreeing with the act seem unpatriotic, rather than concerned at the appalling way it breached American civil rights. It probably should’ve started with the START Act (Simplification Through Additional Reporting Tax Act), but unfortunately it didn’t.

Nor did it end there. We have the CANSPAM Act - Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act, the SPY ACT - Securely Protect Yourself Against Cyber Trespass Act and the legislation on the same thing, the I-SPY Act - Internet Spyware Prevention Act.

It is getting so bad that a Massachusetts democrat, Barney Frank said that “The title of this bill is unfortunately an acronym” and “The chair does not intend to bring forward further legislation in which the title is a word.” when bringing forward the National Security FIRST Act -National Security Foreign Investment Reform and Strengthened Transparency Act. He did end up allowing it because he actually agreed with the contents.

And there-in lies the problem. People tend to get caught up with the ‘clever’ name and not focus on the actual substance of the law. And staffers in Washington have admitted that they have at times spent weeks thinking up these ridiculous names, even going through the dictionary to find appropriate words.

But wait there is more. It’s not like a few simple names is enough o get me riled up. I am a very tolerant man, after all I put up with Dylan. There is the FAIR USE Act - Freedom and Innovation Revitalising US Entrepreneurship Act about copyright, USA SAFE WEB Act - Undertaking Spam, Spyware, And Fraud Enforcement With Enforcers beyond Borders Act, obviously about spam, and the PROTECT Act - Prosecuting Remedies and Tools Against the Exploitation of Children Today Act.

In fact legislation pertaining to rights abuses and protection seem particularly prone, we have the DREAM Act - Development and Re-Education for Alien Minorities Act, the ENRON Act - Electricity Need Rules and Oversight Now Act, the PUMP Act - Prevent Unfair Manipulation of Prices Act (relating to Petrol prices) the PETS Act - Pets Evacuation and Transportation Standards Act ( to consider pets in disaster planning), the SAFE CALL Act - Stop Attempted Fraud Against Everyone's Cell and Land Lines Act ( to stop the selling of confidential phone records) and finally the SAFE Act - Security And Freedom Enhancement Act, remarkably about fixing up the PATRIOT Act.

And don’t think it will stop with a new government, Democrats Presidential hopeful, Barrack Obama, was one of the first cabs off the rank with the CLEAN UP Act - Curtailing Lobbyist Effectiveness through Advance Notification, Updates and Posting Act about parliamentarians being open and honest. Lets just hope it all finishes with the END Act - the Elimination of Neglected Diseases Act. I think it would be better for everyone.

Jesus had Ultimate Game

After watching several interesting Doco’s on Jesus’ life and then talking to an eminent religious philosopher, known to you as Ricardo Del Sanjay, I have come up with a new theory. It seems to me that this whole ‘Son of God’ and ‘King of the Jews’ thing was just a ploy to get chicks.

Looks like it may have worked too. Latest theory suggests the very real possibility that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. And she was one hell of catch. The hottest thing around, she always had the latest sandals, and was fashion editor of Vogue Israel. And not only did he marry her, but turned into a disciple and a devoted follower. So he got a wife that was utterly obedient to him. Wow, what a deal.

So my theory goes thus, Jesus was sitting around on his 30th birthday, having the usual mid-life crisis that affects every non-married middle aged Jew, and thinking what can I do to get a woman. And suddenly it came to him, he said to himself ‘I am a direct line from King David after-all, and there was all that nonsense with those crazy arabs when I was born, why not exploit it.’

And by god did he exploit it. Of course the fact that he had always been a fairly religious fellow (outwardly at least) didn’t hurt his claim. Have you ever wondered why in the Bible Jesus was born to all this fanfair, left the scene for thirty years, and then bursts back onto the scene as the son of god? It makes sense that HE MADE IT UP, doesn’t it?

And after all when you’re an ageing man with long hair and a beard, you really do need something to set you apart from the younger, more virile men. Believe me I know. I wish I had come up with it. Everyone has their game; I just think Jesus’ was the best of all time. And if for nothing else, we should remember him for this. The man who finally had the guts to fly in the face of religion and risk eternal damnation, just to get a little action. For how many of us has wished that we could pull off something like that to pick up? I know have…

Something intellectual to balance out Elliott's outrageous debut....

Phew! The post feels like the safe haven it was before RE climbed aboard...

How do you follow up a post like Rhys Elliott's stunning blog debut below?

With this.