The CANSPAM Act and other American ridiculousness

I don’t know if any of you know about, or are filled with as much unprecedented rage about, the current habit of American (and I regret to say other) lawmakers spending valuable time and money on making up disgustingly patronising and cutesy acronyms to describe they’re legislation.

It all seemed to start with the USA PATRIOT Act which some of you may not know actually stands for the Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act. This impossibly named act was actually rather clever as it made anybody disagreeing with the act seem unpatriotic, rather than concerned at the appalling way it breached American civil rights. It probably should’ve started with the START Act (Simplification Through Additional Reporting Tax Act), but unfortunately it didn’t.

Nor did it end there. We have the CANSPAM Act - Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act, the SPY ACT - Securely Protect Yourself Against Cyber Trespass Act and the legislation on the same thing, the I-SPY Act - Internet Spyware Prevention Act.

It is getting so bad that a Massachusetts democrat, Barney Frank said that “The title of this bill is unfortunately an acronym” and “The chair does not intend to bring forward further legislation in which the title is a word.” when bringing forward the National Security FIRST Act -National Security Foreign Investment Reform and Strengthened Transparency Act. He did end up allowing it because he actually agreed with the contents.

And there-in lies the problem. People tend to get caught up with the ‘clever’ name and not focus on the actual substance of the law. And staffers in Washington have admitted that they have at times spent weeks thinking up these ridiculous names, even going through the dictionary to find appropriate words.

But wait there is more. It’s not like a few simple names is enough o get me riled up. I am a very tolerant man, after all I put up with Dylan. There is the FAIR USE Act - Freedom and Innovation Revitalising US Entrepreneurship Act about copyright, USA SAFE WEB Act - Undertaking Spam, Spyware, And Fraud Enforcement With Enforcers beyond Borders Act, obviously about spam, and the PROTECT Act - Prosecuting Remedies and Tools Against the Exploitation of Children Today Act.

In fact legislation pertaining to rights abuses and protection seem particularly prone, we have the DREAM Act - Development and Re-Education for Alien Minorities Act, the ENRON Act - Electricity Need Rules and Oversight Now Act, the PUMP Act - Prevent Unfair Manipulation of Prices Act (relating to Petrol prices) the PETS Act - Pets Evacuation and Transportation Standards Act ( to consider pets in disaster planning), the SAFE CALL Act - Stop Attempted Fraud Against Everyone's Cell and Land Lines Act ( to stop the selling of confidential phone records) and finally the SAFE Act - Security And Freedom Enhancement Act, remarkably about fixing up the PATRIOT Act.

And don’t think it will stop with a new government, Democrats Presidential hopeful, Barrack Obama, was one of the first cabs off the rank with the CLEAN UP Act - Curtailing Lobbyist Effectiveness through Advance Notification, Updates and Posting Act about parliamentarians being open and honest. Lets just hope it all finishes with the END Act - the Elimination of Neglected Diseases Act. I think it would be better for everyone.