The CANSPAM Act and other American ridiculousness

I don’t know if any of you know about, or are filled with as much unprecedented rage about, the current habit of American (and I regret to say other) lawmakers spending valuable time and money on making up disgustingly patronising and cutesy acronyms to describe they’re legislation.

It all seemed to start with the USA PATRIOT Act which some of you may not know actually stands for the Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act. This impossibly named act was actually rather clever as it made anybody disagreeing with the act seem unpatriotic, rather than concerned at the appalling way it breached American civil rights. It probably should’ve started with the START Act (Simplification Through Additional Reporting Tax Act), but unfortunately it didn’t.

Nor did it end there. We have the CANSPAM Act - Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act, the SPY ACT - Securely Protect Yourself Against Cyber Trespass Act and the legislation on the same thing, the I-SPY Act - Internet Spyware Prevention Act.

It is getting so bad that a Massachusetts democrat, Barney Frank said that “The title of this bill is unfortunately an acronym” and “The chair does not intend to bring forward further legislation in which the title is a word.” when bringing forward the National Security FIRST Act -National Security Foreign Investment Reform and Strengthened Transparency Act. He did end up allowing it because he actually agreed with the contents.

And there-in lies the problem. People tend to get caught up with the ‘clever’ name and not focus on the actual substance of the law. And staffers in Washington have admitted that they have at times spent weeks thinking up these ridiculous names, even going through the dictionary to find appropriate words.

But wait there is more. It’s not like a few simple names is enough o get me riled up. I am a very tolerant man, after all I put up with Dylan. There is the FAIR USE Act - Freedom and Innovation Revitalising US Entrepreneurship Act about copyright, USA SAFE WEB Act - Undertaking Spam, Spyware, And Fraud Enforcement With Enforcers beyond Borders Act, obviously about spam, and the PROTECT Act - Prosecuting Remedies and Tools Against the Exploitation of Children Today Act.

In fact legislation pertaining to rights abuses and protection seem particularly prone, we have the DREAM Act - Development and Re-Education for Alien Minorities Act, the ENRON Act - Electricity Need Rules and Oversight Now Act, the PUMP Act - Prevent Unfair Manipulation of Prices Act (relating to Petrol prices) the PETS Act - Pets Evacuation and Transportation Standards Act ( to consider pets in disaster planning), the SAFE CALL Act - Stop Attempted Fraud Against Everyone's Cell and Land Lines Act ( to stop the selling of confidential phone records) and finally the SAFE Act - Security And Freedom Enhancement Act, remarkably about fixing up the PATRIOT Act.

And don’t think it will stop with a new government, Democrats Presidential hopeful, Barrack Obama, was one of the first cabs off the rank with the CLEAN UP Act - Curtailing Lobbyist Effectiveness through Advance Notification, Updates and Posting Act about parliamentarians being open and honest. Lets just hope it all finishes with the END Act - the Elimination of Neglected Diseases Act. I think it would be better for everyone.

Jesus had Ultimate Game

After watching several interesting Doco’s on Jesus’ life and then talking to an eminent religious philosopher, known to you as Ricardo Del Sanjay, I have come up with a new theory. It seems to me that this whole ‘Son of God’ and ‘King of the Jews’ thing was just a ploy to get chicks.

Looks like it may have worked too. Latest theory suggests the very real possibility that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. And she was one hell of catch. The hottest thing around, she always had the latest sandals, and was fashion editor of Vogue Israel. And not only did he marry her, but turned into a disciple and a devoted follower. So he got a wife that was utterly obedient to him. Wow, what a deal.

So my theory goes thus, Jesus was sitting around on his 30th birthday, having the usual mid-life crisis that affects every non-married middle aged Jew, and thinking what can I do to get a woman. And suddenly it came to him, he said to himself ‘I am a direct line from King David after-all, and there was all that nonsense with those crazy arabs when I was born, why not exploit it.’

And by god did he exploit it. Of course the fact that he had always been a fairly religious fellow (outwardly at least) didn’t hurt his claim. Have you ever wondered why in the Bible Jesus was born to all this fanfair, left the scene for thirty years, and then bursts back onto the scene as the son of god? It makes sense that HE MADE IT UP, doesn’t it?

And after all when you’re an ageing man with long hair and a beard, you really do need something to set you apart from the younger, more virile men. Believe me I know. I wish I had come up with it. Everyone has their game; I just think Jesus’ was the best of all time. And if for nothing else, we should remember him for this. The man who finally had the guts to fly in the face of religion and risk eternal damnation, just to get a little action. For how many of us has wished that we could pull off something like that to pick up? I know have…

Something intellectual to balance out Elliott's outrageous debut....

Phew! The post feels like the safe haven it was before RE climbed aboard...

How do you follow up a post like Rhys Elliott's stunning blog debut below?

With this.

Things go Full Cirlce: The Bush Manifesto

OR: How George W has been wrestling power from the United States’ Congress and Supreme Court to reduce the once proud pillar of constitutional democracy to scarcely more than the regimes that the democratic world has fought for so long to subdue.

Before I begin my rant, I have noticed that this topic may be a little heavy for some readers – or indeed for the ambience of the blog. It is not, after all, a light-hearted, fly-on-the-wall frolic about any random occurrence which for one reason or another might have tickled me in the right or wrong way. For that I apologise. There are reasons for my doing so which will become apparent, but I truly feel that this topic is worthy of discussion on our communal page.

No, unlike others, this is a tickle which won’t go away. It is a tickle which has festered into the bane of a thousand Democrats and, ironically, Republicans alike. But not US Republicans…

In one of my frequent scoffs at the notions of communism, fascism, Nazism and any other ism that for one reason or another decides to remind me of how much I love Australia, it occurred to me recently that there is one aspect of these modes of governance which is shared to some degree by that of the United States of America, and one which our system of parliamentary democracy largely avoids by endowing the head of state with merely a cursory role in the execution of the will of the people.

In other words, we purposely limit the Governor-General’s powers to a mere “rubber stamp”. And that’s the way I like it.

In the words of James Madison, father of modern constitutional democracies and fourth President of the United States, "the accumulation of all powers, legislative, executive, and judiciary, in the same hands, whether of one, a few, or many, and whether hereditary, self-appointed, or elective, may justly be pronounced the very definition of tyranny."

The very definition of tyranny.

Indeed.

But surely, Rhys, I hear you say, you couldn’t possibly be comparing the tyranny of those oppressive regimes to the home of the brave and land of the free?

Well I do, Andrew, although in part, only to the extent that you would claim that communism is perfect in theory. So long as the “theory” is only applied to robots and not people.

Lets take a few regimes as convenient examples: Lenin’s Bolsheviks, Hitler’s Nazis, Mussolini’s Fascisti, and of course Bush’s Redneck Saudi Evangelical Warmongers. As hard as it might be to believe, these regimes all held the legitimate sovereign power of their respective nation states. As Nick often reminds us, “Can you imagine, if we lived in Germany in the late 1930s, we would be Nazis!”

Hitler gained a vast majority of parliamentary support by the 1932 elections. In fact, so tumultuous was the political landscape of Europe at the time that no freely elected party in any country had achieved comparable electoral success. President von Hindenburg then duly appointed Hitler Chancellor in February 1933, and one month later the Enabling Act was legally passed to allow Hitler to enjoy full legislative power including that which might deviate from the constitution.

Mussolini reached power by being installed by King Vittorio Emanuele III in accordance with the Statuto Albertino, the Italian Constitution. Thus, although he held only a very small proportion of the support of Italy’s lower house in 1922, he still took power legally. Over the next 5 years he gradually saw to it that he was invested with power over more widespread areas of government.

The Bolsheviks, although through revolution, nonetheless established a sovereign state in Russia. The failing of the crown in defending her borders during the first World War turned Russia away from the monarchy and hugely bolstered the party’s support. The communist state doesn’t uphold the so-called separation of power between legislative, executive and judicial branches of government, and so Lenin assumed a great role.

And then there’s Bush. Now you will all remember his entry into the White House as being supported by a somewhat questionable ruling by the Supreme Court. Are you aware, however, of how Mr Bush has been using an executive power unique to the US President to effectively usurp (I love that word) power from the United states Congress and Supreme Court?

He can do this because he has the power to issue “signing statements”. But Bush has been instrumental in greatly enhancing the effect that the power of the President has had over both the legislature and the judiciary by using this power for a questionable purpose. Hence he has effectively begun to amass power in the same way (although not yet to the same degree) as these other famed leaders.

The US Constitution is clear in assigning to Congress the power to write the laws and to the President a duty ''to take care that the laws be faithfully executed." Bush, however, has used this proviso to leave a much greater mark on the duly enacted laws of the people’s representatives than what was perhaps intended by the Constitution.

He has declared that he has the power to set aside laws when they conflict with his legal interpretation of the Constitution. Further than this, he claims that if he has the power to decline to enact a piece of legislation then he must also be able to decline to enforce parts of acts. And this is where the contention lies, because it is at this point when the president ceases to act as merely a custodian of the will of the legislature in ensuring that “the laws be faithfully enacted”, and begins to take on a legislative role all of his own.

For example, when Bush signed into law the McCain Anti-Torture Bill outlawing the use of torture on detainees, his signing statement, referring to the aims of the act in preventing terrorism, concludes that his authority as “Unitary Executive” and Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces will allow him to bypass the very law he is signing should he consider it appropriate – an action which formed a large part of the raison d’être of the legislation itself!

It is also in his very convenient interpretations of the constitution that he has assumed part of the role of the judiciary as well, rather than, as previously done, issuing a statement aimed at the processes of the executive to faithfully carry out the law. Quite simply he is telling everyone how to read the constitution – a role formally bestowed exclusively upon the Supreme Court.

To give you some indication: before Regan, only 75 signing statements were issued in 190 years of Presidents, mostly little more than commentary or notes on the ambit or aims of the acts. George HW issued some 180 and Clinton around 140 which, between them, challenged around 350 pieces of legislation. So it was not a new thing when George W started signing away.

However, what has changed, is that George W, in his 160-odd statements, has challenged over 1000 pieces of validly enacted legislation. And he has used these executive pronouncements to tell the people how these laws should be read and which parts should be ignored – roles which, in our system, are the exclusive domain of both elected representatives – parliament – and un-tenured stewards of legal principals – the courts.

The Australian system would not support the back-door power struggles of Tyrants like Bush. Giving power to a singular, popularly elected head of state just asks for these kinds of legal shenanigans. It is also why I believe the republic model presented for referenda in 1999 was the best model yet seen – by this country or any other. (And here I reveal my cryptic reference to republicans)

And why I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

The biggest fuck up since Iraq.....

After blogging about it several times, one would think that i would have learnt my lesson. Instead i sit here with a sickeningly heavy stomach, $10.05 less in my wallet and a desire to kick my own arse.

Fucking KFC has done it to me again.

Where is my self control.

KFC- I hate you, but not as much as i hate myself right now.

Iraq -Fail

KFC Fucking Fail.

Un-insightful Filler

This post has no purpose whatsoever except to contribute something to this blog. May I first of all congratulate my cohorts in their stellar efforts in keeping this thing afloat.

I write this from the comfort of my living room whilst watching the Simpsons. I can do these two things simultaneously thanks to my brand new laptop and the wonders of wireless technology.

The only downside at this stage is that I dont have a mouse connected to the laptop, and instead have to use this ridiculously annoying touch pad thing. For this reason, this post will end here.

Value added to the blog: zero.

- Moff

32 years of utter incompetence- Matthew Richardson, this is your life.

How is it possible?

Sometimes i wonder at the marvel that is the scientific world. I'm not a genius- I haven't got the schmidt-esque looks for it, so maybe my calculations are immature or, well, just plain wrong. But what i want to know is how someone so offensively incompetent at dropping the footy (after at least 27 years of doing it-given that he is 32) has ever kicked goals, in any league, let alone 730 odd in 250 odd AFL games. It just does not add up.

It fills me with rage that someone with incoherent skills like that can excel in the position where straight kicking is fundamental. Richo- pictured right, spends an eternity lining it up- why? it's a fucking lottery with him anyway, he may as well spin around a good few dozen times , keep his eyes closed, then kick it.. you might be surprised by the results, he of course, will look just as confused as ever.Sometimes i feel like I'm part of some "truman show" like theatre where everybody else knows the truth- Everyone but me- and you're all having a laugh, even richo, at my expense.

It's like Ben Lee selling records, FUCK, it's like Ben Lee fucking Clare Danes- How in god's name did it come to this? How is it possible.

I've said it before and i'll say it again. If i were on his team, i would never, ever, kick a ball within 50 metres of him, for fear that somehow he'd find another way to fuck it up.

Richo- this is your life.

Is Hollywood losing it's edge? Is "the edge" really a name for a human being?

When i was a young boy "Action" meant something different to what it does today- today it gets glossed over by horny pimple faced 16 (and 25) year old boys trying to get into the secret garden. Hell, Bruce Springsteen even released a hit song about 'secret gardens' but this blog is all about good old fashion Hollywood action!

Upon viewing the Bourne Identity dernier soir(last night) i recieved a rather audacious comment via sms, claiming that the scene where, your hero and mine, Jason Bourne rides a corpse off a landing 6 floors up- surviving, minus significant injury is the greatest action scene of all time. A fine feat. I was impressed- im sure you were. But the sms captivated me on more levels than this. And i began to wonder.

Absolute genius- BUT maybe, just maybe i have an action scene involving a corpse that goes one step further....

1989- the year that began the same way that it ended- wishing the fucking 80's would end. Of course some magnificant things came out of it, just not as many as some friends of mine will have you believe...

my contender for greatest of all time comes from a trilogy-

Weekend at Bernies

The scene where Bernie(the deceased for those who weren't allowed to stay up for the movies) slides out the back of the speedboat(- schmidty on the right looking cooly oblivious) and is dragged behind, as if he was waterskiing. I feel the scene describes itself, so i won't go into unnecessary detail but i feel that this scene pips the Bourne Identity at the post, possibly in a tight tie breaker. Why?

Well they both have extreme imagination in the directing of the scene, in fact all other attributes are tied, but Jason Bourne never once utters a word to the corpse after using it to his effect. What sort of Hollywood hero neglects a chance like that to pull out a one liner? I think James Woods would be more on the ball..

Weekend at Bernies they talk to the corpse for THREE movies!

"Bernie is waiting for us"

"Look, Bernie isn't going anywhere"

Genius.

In a world where guitarists can call themselves slash and the edge, shouldn't we all be spending more time talking to corpses? Weekend at Bernies... maybe, just maybe the world is ready for a 4th movie as beautiful as you...

Is the Northern Hemisphere all it's cracked up to be?

Yes, it is, Schmidt

Andrew Schmidt, Egg Magnate

For the first time in a while, I have a new and important direction in my life. I have a new passion and the will to make it into a thriving business. I am starting a snap frozen egg company, with numerous different egg inspired products. Imagine a snap frozen egg and bacon sandwich you can heat up in the microwave after a big night out. Delish. Just like a fresh one, only frozen. The news will call me Andrew Schmidt, egg magnate.

As an interesting aside, the hounorific Egg Magnate originates from 1493 when Henry VII, King of England and Wales decreed that any person who owned more than ten chickens for commercial use shall be known as an Egg Magnate and shall have the right to add the letters E.M. after his name. This might seem to be an extraordinary generous decree by todays standards but at the time only the King and his two closest courtesians could be said to deserve the honour. Of course today owning more than ten chickens for commercial use is a trifling matter and almost anyone who feels like it can add the letters E.M. to their name. I did apply to the Privy Council to have this rule changed to ten thousand chickens, and a clause added about the bettermentof society, but my application was denied 5-4 by the right honourable Jakson Hirely.

But back to the topic. To be a successful egg magnate in this day and age one must diversify. It is not enough to simply own ten chickens. In fact, it is not enough to own ten thousand chickens. The egg and chicken industry is simply not what it once was. So in order to increase profit margins, and news coverage, I decided to use what I have plenty of to my advantage. That is chickens and an unusaul flair for training animals. It started with chickens trained to be my servants. Hell they're cheaper than slaves and usually cleaner. So soon I had chickens doing my laundry, doing the dusting (they already have the feathers), cooking my dinner. Do you know how many chickens it takes to make a bed. I'll tell you its three, they dont have opposable thumbs you see, just beaks, so sometimes jobs can be labour intensive, but its alright, they're just chickens.

After hitting upon this oppurtunity, it occured to me that I could turn this into a lucrative operation, and I started hiring out well trained chickens to others. My latest venture involves hypnotising chickens to be lift repair men. OTIS are spewing that I am taking all their business. Its true, it sometimes takes a while for people to get used to chickens servicing their lift's, but once they see the quality of the workmanship, or workchickenship, they are satisfied customers.

The moral of the story - all it takes to be successful is a good idea and hard work. One day you too could be a egg magnate,

Andrew Schmidt BEng(Hons) LLB (Hons) E.M.

Address given by Andrew Schmidt, renowned author and Egg Magnate to the Royal Assembly of Chiken and other Poultry Farmers, on his 80th birthday, August 2061.

Thomas the Travelling Salesman

Thomas was a man, and oh, what a man he was. He was a giver, was John, and everywhere he went he left them begging for more. What was did he gift to people? He gave beautiful, unsurpassed, pure pleasure. Men wanted to be him, women wanted to be with him, oh if only for a single night. No women were immune from his power. Soon he was to pick up a reputation, and this only increased his power and mystique. People began to wonder why women kept coming back, and this only brought more. Women of all ages came to him, entranced by his power, unable to resist, ready for him to service their needs.

Soon he could no longer pleasure the masses of women all by himself. There were too many for just one man. Ans so the search began. The search for a worthy partner. The search for someone with whom he could share his knowledge and power. The search for an Apprentice.

As Thomas was a travelling salesman it was not hard for him to search far and wide for an apprentice. The man chosen must be something special. He would not settle for average or even good, or his reputation and whole career could be sullied forever. Over a long period of time, he slowly came to realise that this man was right beneath his nose. He had never thought to test this man. Once he did he soon realised that the force was strong within him. Under his tutelage he was sure to be a grandmaster pleasurer within years. And so began the lessons.

To be Continued when the lessons have been completed....

Whatever Happened To....

Billy Ray Cyrus

What a phenomenon we all could have done without. I mean really. Achy Breaky Heart? What the hell was he thinking. After bursting onto our shores in a jumbling mess of square dancing, mullets and terrible accents in 1992, what has become of him? Surely he deserves more hits after spending 7 weeks at No. 1 and an incredible 26 weeks in the top 50, surely he couldn’t have faded off the stage like Joan Osbourne or Kriss Kross? He deserves more than that, if only for bringing back the mullet to Australia 10 years before it actually became popular again. And he wasn’t even Italian.

Well in fact Billy Ray hasn’t left us. He is in fact back, bigger, and better than ever starring in a television series Doc, and helping his young daughter kick start her career in another series, Hannah Montana. So those of you who loved the song (God kill you all) don’t despair, he can still be found (minus the Mullé) on Fox 8 Tuesdays at 10.

The Malaise

mal•aise /mlez/ noun [U, sing.] (formal) - a general feeling of being ill/sick, unhappy or not satisfied, without signs of any particular problem, unease

That is what I have. Never has a word more perfectly described the situation in which I find myself this afternoon. My brain has a malaise. Nothing outward (well besides the normal) shows anything wrong. But yet my brain is not quite right. I know the words I want to use and when I start the sentence I know how to say them, and what they mean. The only problem is half way through, it’s like part way into the sentence, you know…fuck it, there it goes again.

I think I shall call it Monday Malaise from now on, and hope it catches on, much like Sketchy Sunday or Stoopid Saturday. It defenately stems from such acticities and as such should be combined in an averall alliteration scheme such as we see here.

This post is actually a purposeful, I mean beautiful, example of what I am trying explain, unsuccessfully. I have on purpose left all my mistakes and mix ups so you can get a better of an idea of how scattered I really am. Truly I have not purposefully put in any scattered shite that I didn’t type already, and thend decided not to change. GOD

Tours of the Shady Underbelly

Well that went well didn't it. The suposed incredible revival of the once great blog, like a phoenix rising form the ashes, Harry Potter style, capitulated after two posts from one contributor. Well done The Moff.

Now a month has passed without anyone adding anything more to my hum drum life. How am to survive? Where has the laughter gone?

I have a theory. I think that The Moff (if that is your real name), spends his comic genius elsewhere these days. He has forgotten his roots, where it all started. What would you be without us, i ask? NOTHING. What have the owners of pubs and taverns around this great state ever done to deserve your comic genius? Again nothing. What has prompted this abandonment from your friends to their enemies?

The "almighty dollar". Dollar schmollar. Sure you can go to the nothern henisphere with it. Sure it may buy you happiness, but I ask you, what has it ever really done for you?

What an age of CHOICE we consumers live in!

Those of you who are currently residing in Australia will no doubt have seen Domino's latest "creation". But for those who read this from abroad, allow me to enlighten you as to the newest "pizza" to grace the Domino's TV advertising spot.

We all know the folks at Domino's have never shied away from redefining the boundaries of the pizza game. A few years ago we were struck upside the head with their rather adventurous varieties of crusts and the filling that lies between them, and since then we have been continually challenged with increasingly zany methods for cramming as much fat into a confined space as is humanly possible.

All well and good. However, I do believe it is safe to say that this time, Domino's have well and truly crossed the line.

Yes. Thats right. A niche in the market has now been occupied by the forward thinking executives employed by this pizza stalwart. The general public now has access to a MEAT PIE PIZZA, or as the ad displays, two crusts which house a sloppy mess of beef mince and peas, with "traditional" pizza toppings to cap it off.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Is it genuinely necessary to fuse Australian and Italian cuisine in such a brazen fashion? Or is this just another step closer to complete market saturation?

One thing is for sure, I shall not be saturating my insides with such a diabolical concoction.

However, I am certain that one Nicholas J.C. Worthley would give his left nut for a solitary bite of the Domino's Meat Pie Pizza given the current eating situation he has imposed upon himself while trekking through the nether regions of the planet. Whats for dinner tonight Nick? Rice rice served on a bed of rice with a side serving of steamed rice?

Thats right mate, you keep on walking. Not far now to base camp I hope? In the meantime I will order one of these pizzas, purely so that I may throw it in the bin as a protest against the sheer insanity that I have witnessed on the idiot box that blares at me incessantly while I relax in my living room.

Meatily yours,

- Moff

After months at sea, I spy land, and embrace it with open arms and flippered feet.

Yep, I've flipped up the page of the calendar on the kitchen wall 5 times since Dylan uploaded the most recent contribution to this exercise. It started off quietly, gained some brief momentum and held our interest long enough to articulate a few thoughts via fingers on a keyboard, and then, predictably, dropped off our collective radars.

Such fickle folk we be.

Speaking of dropping off radars... it awfully quiet here in Adelaide these days. I remember back in the day....The sending of a solitary text message on a mid week evening manifested into 8 cats streaming through the hastily raised garage door toward an eastern suburbs granny flat with a full-wall mural of a rainforest scene to...well...just to "hang out", i guess.

Ahh, those were the days. Being a member of our crew was effortless, in fact, you had to fight to avoid the action.

But time trudges forward. Before you know it you're 25, working full time, with more than half of your previously ever-present group of mates geographically dispersed outside of this town.

Such is life.

Its not all bad. Its a natural evolution. We spent the most time together when everyone was still "getting to where they were going". Now, most of us are "there", in terms of immediate plans outside of uni anyway. I've got plenty to smile about. A job I'd never even dreamed of having a chance of getting. One where I actually look forward to going to work. One with so many perks it could sink a ship with Rhys onboard, even when he is wearing his speed-shorts. All of this has brought a relative abundance of the almighty dollar to my life, and with it the ability to save up for something I have been dreaming about for as long as I can remember.

At 11:55AM on Tuesday June 12th, my girl and I shall board SQ268 and finally join this highly exclusive club of individuals who have been to this place called the "Northern Hemisphere".

I kind of feel like the last guy in a group of teenage guys to get laid. For years I have listened to the others describe the sordid details of their affairs, wondering what it will be like when I finally get to join the conversation with some knowledge of my own. Now, my folks have gone away for the weekend, I've got a franger in my wallet and a guaranteed root, so long as I don't do anything stupid before I'm confronted with my destiny.

Brilliant.

Expect some new episodes of Moff's Most Hated Celebrities in the near future. I have 6 months worth of pent up annoyance that needs to find a home.

Until then, try and avoid swooping magpies when walking under trees.

Trust me on this one.

- Moff

Im a reasonable man....BUT...this has gone too far

Satisfy that craving? Satisfy that craving.... For fuck's sake KFC.. why don't you just spit in my face.

Another fucking sub par effort, KFC, you've lost my vote.

UMMMM... EXCUSE ME...! .....WHAT?!?!?!

Errrr ummmm.... How does one put this....

.

"Woods vows to keep on improving"

.

"After becoming the first player to win at least eight times on the PGA Tour in three different seasons (1999, 2000 and 2006), he says he is still improving. "

.

For the first time, in a very long time, possibly since i tried to speak french last, i, the author, am lost for words. Is there something Tig-rhones not telling us?

The Michael

The Michael Cometh.