In this world of Doom and Gloom, Death and Destruction, Poverty and Anguish, finally a little good news....

My Fellow Wankers,

So I say this:

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

I offer you some quotes from a BBC article that turned my lazy Sunday morning into a day that was booked so solidly that the thought of hiring a secretary passed my mind- several times.

According to research, Masturbation cuts prostate cancer risk. Fuck yessss

To sum it up briefly, as time is now of the essence, researchers have found that cancer causing chemicals could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly, which of course begs the obvious question, is it possible to be 'too regular'?

Further research has suggested that shagging may not have the same protective effect that wanking has, further to this, the effect was greatest while the men were in their 20's.

More great news for the authors and readers of this blog, men who launched semen into orbit more than 5 times per week(should that read '5 times per day' funkmaster?) were a third less likely to cop the prostate cancer.

According to BBC, "IF these findings hold up, then it's perfectly reasonable that men should be encouraged to masturbate."

But, given our society is currently so full of wankers, we need a goal, something to shoot for, so to speak. I implore you gentlemen, do your bit for the country, take every opportunity you can, load up, and shoot for the moon. Think of the amount of future hospital beds that will be free for people who really need it, if we wank hard enough in our 20's.

Why the moon? Well, JFK said it best:

"We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

And I, for one, have shot straight to the top of the class.