Look who is turning in his grave.....

Well, where do i start with this?

Rarely, certianly not never, but rarely have i been so dumbfounded by something so extrordinary. In this case it is not september 11, it's not making out with a woman at the bar in Portugal only to walk home with your knob in your hand and it's certainly not watching Funkmaster's golf swing and wondering how in the hell he has ever broken 100.

No. it's none of these that have gotten me this time. Hell it's not even George W. Bush addressing the APEC meeting as OPEC-with a hearty "G'day Mate". Nope. It's not an elderly lady at a certain casino telling me that she doesn't understand how people are poor when there are casino's. Why don't they just go into a casino and win some money. Nope, none of these are guilty this time, although Funkmaster's swing and the casino woman come close, however, in this case, it's one Avril Lavigne.

I'm sorry funk 'sk8er boi' master- It's gone too far.

I understand she is young and 22, but, and this is a very big but, young people, and funkmaster, are influenced by her, her songs and what she says. Oh lord. I dare say and correct me if i'm wrong, but i dare say that that tie in the photo is not a secondary school tie... Where was her agent on this one?

I give you... 'Avril's ten commandments"

I could sit here and rack off all ten for you, but i thought i would go with some of my personal favourites. A top 3 maybe? Why not, it will be like Letterman, but 3 instead of 10, oh, and funny.

SO here they are, in no particular order.

1. "EXTEND YOURSELF. I want to get into movies next, a lead role in a super cool indie flick. I've been looking at scripts for the past two years now and most of them have been shit, but I know I could be real good at it. I have an agent now, and everything."

2."LOVE YOURSELF. People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway, if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me."

I can see Funkmaster writing down these in note form already, but my absolute favourite one is the next one;

3."BE GRATEFUL. It's important to be thankful, even if you're poor. I mean, come on, we all have clean water — well, ok, not people in the developing world. It's important to remember where we came from and just how lucky we are to be here."

I mean, come on RE, we ALL have clean water...

Oh no, wait, to her credit, she did correct herself.

The rest of these pearls of wisdom can be found at the following link, for a short time only http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=294155

Somehow i get the feeling that this is the sort of performer that Bill Hick's was talking about when he ranted about Debbie Gibson- For those of you who missed it, here it is, courtesy of Wikiquote:

"You know Debbie Gibson writes all her own songs?" No! Fucking just pull me up a chair. "Yeah, she writes all her own songs about her own real life experiences. "Yeah, what's the next one called? Mom why am I bleeding? When did we start listening to pre-pubescent white girls? I musta missed that meeting. We have at our fingertips the greatest minds of all-time, the knowledge and history of the greatest thinkers of ALL FUCKING TIME, but no, what's that little white girl saying? Let's go put Debbie Gibsons thoughts on compact disc so they'll never be destroyed. "

"Is it me? I mean, goddamn it, I remember when music had balls man. Does anybody remember that at all? Jimi Hendrix? Any question about that guy?"

What I, your humble Ricardo Del Sanjay want to know is, when will I be successful in my life?At what point can i sit back and say, wow, I did it? What do I have to do, besides sell 24 million records, like Avril, before my most juvenile, non academic rants are considered newsworthy-AROUND THE FUCKING WORLD? I dare say this blog caper is not going to get me too far.

Maybe Avril was right, maybe being succesful means that I can say to people "I have an agent now......... and everything"